Last Ode to Earth Month

Greenopia has released its findings of which major department store is most worthy of your hard earned green dollars. Using its well-known 4-Leaf green rating process, Greenopia has named the best in class retail companies

Can anyone guess???

WINNER!!

IKEA

A spiritual kick in the butt

Last night while Dan and I were getting ready for bed we were discussing the daily ups and downs of being us. A normal activity because Dan is trying to compile things to write in his 'blessings journal'. And at times....I have to admit that it is difficult to find blessings when you have had a pretty crappy day.

But last night we had an epiphany (a sudden, intuitive perception of or insight into the reality or essential meaning of something, usually initiated by some simple, homely, or commonplace occurrence or experience.) I was apologizing for being difficult. Mainly because I have been having a hard time keeping a friendly look on my face due to the pain. And he keeps reading it as if I am disappointed in him or that I'm angry. Which, of course, is totally wrong. I hold him on too high of a pedestal to even feel that way towards him anymore. He just looked at me and smiled and said he was grateful that through all of these last four months he has learned patience and has been given the strength to endure to the end. That hit me hard. Mainly because I was thinking of all of our prayers for strength and patience to be good parents. It was so true. That has been the biggest topic of our prayers......strength and patience. We had not even realized that our prayers were being answered. We just tried to stay positive and ignore the lesson.

OK.....so, I know that I did not pray for this pain and this physical struggle. But how else do you think we could have been given the lesson? We are not given trials that we are unable to endure. It is not until we step back and pay attention to the trial that we learn our lesson.
I know I have said this before......but......it is more true today than it was the other day.....I am grateful that I am strong enough to endure to the end. I am grateful that I have the patience to see it through. And I am grateful that I have recognized that my prayers have been answered.

ER Terror

I learned something new this weekend. All they have to do in the ER is to make sure your injuries are not life threatening. OK....I can live with that. It sounds reasonable right?

On Saturday I went to IKEA. It was a wonderful day. I borrowed a wheelchair and moseyed my way through at a very slow pace. It felt so good to get out of the house....and to be shopping in my most favorite store. I bought new furniture for our home to help support a teenage daughter. It was a fantastic day. My mom and my sister came up with the big truck to help us haul everything home. We left the house at 9am and did not return until 5:45pm. I was waving goodbye to my family and shut the door.......instantly, I collapsed in pain.

I did not have any pain all day long and it hit me all at one moment. I could not stand up. I could not walk. I could not talk. I could not breath. All I could do is scream. Dan got me to my bed and I tried to relax to see if the pain would go away if I would just calm down. NOPE. We ran down all of the things that could possibly help. Nothing. Even thinking about the ER was not on my list because I didn't want to sit in the waiting room for 5 hours before they could even see me. Then.......I knew I had to go. Something was really wrong. Something that I had never felt before. I had to go to the hospital.

It was amazing to me that Dan even knew what I was talking about because I don't think I stoped screaming for hours. I couldn't do anything else. That is all my body would allow. We drove up and the nurse wouldn't even let me see the waiting room. They took me instantly into a room. Of course they left my husband out in the front. They started asking me questions. Let us not forget that I could not talk. They just kept asking questions. All I could say was.....husband......husband.....husband. Finally the nurse sent someone out to get Dan. I don't remember too much of all that they talked about. I just kept screaming. He gave them the long list of my allergies. The nurse trying to get my IV going missed my veins five or six times. I must have made her nervous. I felt bad for her.....she thought she was the reason I was in so much pain.

When the Dr came in he asked Dan what he thought he could do. What kind of meds can I give your wife? (I must have missed the part where my husband was the Dr) I started to get nervous at this point. I just wanted them to give me something to ease the pain. Anything....I don't care. They finally started pumping me with morphine. No relief. OK....more morphine. No Relief. Ok....more morphine.....Nothing. They were stummped.

After many hours (seven I believe) of testing and ultrasounds. They found out it wasn't life threatening and started to give me papers to release me. OH.....did I mention that I haven't stoped screaming yet? I was still in serious pain. Still couldn't walk, stand or talk. They said I might have a cyst or two on my ovaries and I have a pelvic infection.....oh....and get this .....a UTI. HHMMMMmmm. Isn't that what all of the doctors this year have been saying I don't have?

With the release the docotor prescribed me a lot more morphine to use only when needed. (Tell me doctor...when I scream like this...is that when I know it is needed?) And to make an appointment with my OB/GYN within the next day or so. My OB/GYN is on vacation until the second week of May.....no subs. So OHSU was the next step.....I have an appointment for May 7......they would get me in sooner....but the ER said it was not life threatening.

I am drugged beyond all belief.....and I still have horrible pain. But....what ever it is....it is not life threatening. That should be comforting right? I left the ER screaming in pain. I feel sorry for the people who saw me leave.....it must not have been very comforting for them.....knowing that they might not feel relief when they leave.

Absence

Have you ever gone outside and felt sad because there were no weeds to pull on a sunny day? I experienced that today. It was an odd sensation. I have learned that getting on my hands and knees and crawling like a child.....I can physically take care of my yard with minimal discomfort. But....the weather has been so good lately and I've been spending so much time outside.....that I have done my job too well and left nothing for today :(

I don't think you will ever hear me complain about this again......EVER!!! It was just a strange sensation to feel the absence of weeds disappointing.

Trials & Blessings

I am so grateful for all of the blessings I receive on a daily basis. I have had a good share of trials in my life. But, I must say that the trials have never out weighed the blessings. And I know that I have many more trials to endure. I cannot help but feel overwhelmed at how easy my life has been. And I am very grateful that I can see that.....even during one of the most trying times in my life.

For my husbands birthday I gave him a journal to write down everything he is grateful for on a daily basis. All the blessings that he has in his life. Every night before we go to bed he writes in it and then reads it to me. I cannot explain to you the joy that it brings to go to bed with nothing but all of your blessings on your mind. I sleep better. I wake up happier. And it has definitely brought us closer together.

So many people in my life are going through some pretty serious times. Heartache, pain, loss, financial difficulties and lack of love. I wish that I could give them a journal to write in on a daily basis. If only they could see all of the good things in their life....no matter how small....I know that they would be able to come out of the trial will smiles and joy in their hearts.

If your read this blog....Please take my challenge. No matter what is going on in your life....good or bad.....Please take the time to write down all of the good and remind yourself that you can endure. You will be a happier person. Share it with someone and they will feel that joy too. Sometimes life sends storms that are unexpected....prepare yourself.

I have never been disappointed about the pain and sickness that I have endured. It has just helped me to realize all of the good things that I do have. And some of the good things in my life would never have materialized if I had not been suffering. And I am grateful for the challenge.

My killing spree

Happy Earth Day! I was so excited to get up this morning and plant some flowers. But when I got outside I noticed there were a lot of weeds in the flower bed that I was eying. So, I did what most people would.....I pulled them. It wasn't until after I had a full bucket that I started to feel bad. I'm wanting to plant on earth day and instead I go out and kill more plants than I was planning to put in the ground. "Weeds are only a flower that is not wanted". So now my excitement to plant is gone because I decided to judge others and segregate my flower beds.

I'm reading too many books!!! :D

Oh boy......I have the fever

What beautiful weather outside. The world is looking clean and refreshed. The smell of fresh cut grass.....the twittering of nesting birds. Spring is here.

I have been trying to avoid the whole idea of spring. That is the season that I wipe myself out because there is so much to do. I want to plant flowers. I want to pull weeds. I want to clean my house from top to bottom. (my friend Becca is doing that.....and she is not helping me avoid it:)) And now I'm sort of in a nesting period of my own due to being a new mom. So cleaning is at the top of my list. I don't think there is any way to avoid it now. It is time. I must make the sacrifice. It is the only way to find true happiness.

Here I go........(thanks Becca)

A/C

I turned my air conditioner on today. I cannot believe it is so warm outside. It makes me want to plant things and make potato salad and eat watermelon. I love going outside right at twilight and just breathing in deep. The air and the smells of summer are here. Even the frogs are singing me to sleep at night.

I'm ready for an outdoor party now!!!

Britanie

I just found out how to post pictures. So here is my 99.99% daughter :)

I've never been TAGGED before.....

I'm supposed to show you all the 6th picture from the 6th folder on my computer...

I loved the snow we got this last December. Most of my pictures on my computer are of weather :)

I am supposed to tag 6 of you!!

Natalie
Amy U.
AmyJo
Chelsea
Kendell
Becca

May 21st

We have just been informed that May 21st is the day for committee. So far away.....yet almost too close. We have a lot to prepare for.

On May 28th is our 15th wedding anniversary. I cannot think of a better gift than a daughter to spend the rest of our lives with. Dan did the math.....and if we got pregnant on our honeymoon...Britanie is exactly that age.....to the week. How cool is that?

Amazing News!

We just found out that we are the only family being considered for a 14 year old girl. There is a chance that committee for that could be in the next couple of days. The State has to go through all the red tape even if we are the only family. Our adoption worker says she sees absolutely NO reason why we won't be passing committee.

So.......we are parents!! This is almost unbelievable. We have been waiting 15 years for this. It does not feel real yet.......of course.......but it is the most fantastic news I've ever had.

The Person I Admire Most

I used to have a great list for this. But, it has changed over the past few months.

My Husband hits the top of the list. Since I have been down.....he has become housewife, maid, accountant, chef (Amazing Meals), laundress, gardener, nurse, etc. Not to mention all of his duties in running his own business and doing my part for the business. YM leader (7 Deacons - 1/2 diagnosed ADHD....the other 1/2 not yet diagnosed :)) And ward missionary.

Sometimes it amazes me that he could still have a smile on his face. And worry about other people...especially me. I could not have asked for a more amazing man as my husband. He gives me something to strive for on a daily basis. He is my inspiration. He is my happy place.

1 Year

Hey....Today is my posts one year mark. What kind of gift do you give a blog site for a birthday? I guess I could try and blog more than Amy Urban........But, I'm not sure that is possible. :)

I bounced back and read some back blogs. I don't even remember some of them. I guess that is good though.......I just needed a sounding board to bounce all my ideas off of.

So, Thanks :) And Happy Birthday!!

Sally

On Wednesday I got really bored. I ran out of books to read in the house and was too restless to take a nap. So instead......I caught a bug. I hear it is going around....and is super contagious. As a matter of fact I know that a few of my Bloggie friends have caught it too. Maybe even gave it to me :)

I joined facebook.

But, on the good side. I found my bestest best friend from my youth. Sally. And for that I am truly grateful for contagiousness. She lives close and we will see each other in the next few days. I haven't been this happy since........since.......I don't know when.

I will never have anything bad to say about facebook from now on. It has brought me a very special gift that I will treasure always......and never let her go again.

OHSU

Not to trash on Lugenbill.....but the doctor that I saw today was more informative than any other OB/GYN that I've ever been too. And most of you know how great Lugenbill was. She touched on everything that has ever been wrong with me including infertility. Where was she ten years ago?

I don't have all the answers yet...but I feel like some are coming soon. We are trying a few new things and in a month I will have another appointment. Hopefully, by then, all the cultures and tests will be back from the lab. But.....Dang.....I'm so glad that I didn't have to wait until July. My mood has lifted just from today. Finally, I feel a little bit of hope........

Commitee

We have been selected to go to committee for a 14 year old girl. The original date was April 15th. We found out today that it has been pushed out a couple of weeks because one of the other families that want to adopt her was not 'Ready'. We are pretty cranky about that. How horrible to make this poor girl wait longer for her family.

We are very excited.....but still feeling weird. We have been selected for other committees, but this is the first one that is scheduled. We still don't know if we will be chosen. So we have decided to wait until the very last moment to shop and decorate. There is no way to know how to decorate a room for either a girl a boy or both. Besides....I'm sure the child or children would love to pick out their own things. So, here we wait with two empty rooms in our house. It feels kind of hollow. But we are happy anyway :)

Miracle of Miracles

I called OHSU today to see if they had a cancellation.........YES!! I have an appointment on Thursday morning. Sounds much better than July 9th. It is astonishing how much more alive I feel just knowing that I don't have to wait as long for the doctor. :)

Dogs are human too.....

Elphaba is our baby. She is two years old now. Gauper is 10 years and Kestra is 9 1/2. It is funny to me to watch Kestra and Gauper raise Elphaba. She is the perfect half of each of them. Gauper has an Eeyore mentality and Kestra is a protector of the mama. Elphaba has both of those personalities within her.

I remember when we first adopted Gauper. He had a mate......her name was Gayla. They were soul mates. They never were apart. Gayla died when she was 6 months old. Tragic swimming pool accident. And Gauper was devistated. He moped around the house for days. Looking for her. It was absolutely heart renching. He seemed to be suffering just as much as we were. Maybe more. So we decided to get him another mate. We went to go pick her up.......and she litterally cried all the way home. I wanted to turn around and take her back. Gauper was horrified that we thought we could replace Gayla. He was grumpy and did not accept her for three to four weeks. Then one day we caught them playing. We didn't want him to know we were watching so we hid around the corner. He was teaching Kestra how to be like Gayla. Gayla was the Alpha dog in the relationship......and he obviously did not want that role.

No one can convince us that these dogs don't think like humans. .I remember a time that the dogs were in the car with us.....actually they were in my seat when I wanted in.....so I looked at them in the eyes and said "back seat". The next thing I knew.....both dogs were jumping into the back seat. I had never taught them that command. So I decided to try other tricks. It worked the same way. They seemed to understand exactly what I was saying. When we first adopted Elphaba, it was difficult to communicate with her......but we then realized that she didn't know english yet. We are just realizing that she has picked up on it with out telling us. So.......now she does tricks.

Trust me..........our dogs ARE our children. I do not see them as lower life forms. They are a perfect part of our household. And much needed :)

How much is too much?

I've read more than 25 books in the last three months. I'm starting to dream in book form. It's pretty funny. Like someone is narrating my dream for me......

"Did you see the person who fell?" he asks quietly once we're on our way.
"I couldn't see anything."
"You don't think..." Gil shifts forward in his seat.
"Think what?"

It is pretty cool. Even if it is all gibberish.

Inspiring Quote

Pain can be endured and defeated only if it is embraced. Denied or feared, it grows in perception if not in reality.

Dean Koontz ~ Velocity